This assessment is designed to provide you with insight into how similar you are to the maker of this quiz. Rate the following statements on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being strongly disagree and 5 being strongly agree:
1.I am an introvert and can be on the quiet side.
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2.I pride myself on my creativity but keep my creations to myself.
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3.I hate new things and would sincerely rather die than deal with change.
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4.I am responsible and dependable, and according to most, that makes me boring. I have gotten quite used to being called boring, and though I once told myself it was okay to seem boring because my inner world was beautiful and interesting and rich, I now worry everyone was right, and I am just boring.
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5.If I am boring, it is because I am afraid. Of trying. Of failing. Of making a fool of myself. I ask mundane questions because I’m terrified to keep digging. Is everyone as on edge as I am, or is it just me?
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6.I am terrible under stress. Legitimately the worst. I once apartment-sat for my next-door neighbors, and when the man across the hall stepped out while I was exiting the neighbors’ place, I had this sudden fear that he thought I had just broken in. I began to perspire as he lifted his head. I knew I could tell him I was watching things while they were away, but that wouldn’t have been the entire truth. The neighbors had a secret cat, which I had been instructed to feed, but I couldn’t say this to the neighbor, as the building didn’t allow pets. I tried to determine how to explain what I was doing and imagined myself screaming, I’M JUST WATERING THE CAT. I MEAN, PLANT. Then the neighbor guessed, “Housesitting?” and I exhaled in relief. I said, “Yes, just housesitting” and dropped the key on my foot.
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7.I have trouble getting close to people, so once I bond with someone, I have a hard time letting them go. I am probably still hung up on the first person I loved. While housesitting the cat, I pretended she was mine. Imagined my lover would be home any minute, with a cake. Why a cake? I don’t know. I don’t even like cake. I just think it would be nice for my lover to bring one. We would pretend to feed some to the cat, who would still need to be a secret, as pets aren’t allowed, and it would have been because of my lover that I had mustered up the courage to do something as unboring as to procure a secret cat. We would call her “Cloistered Kitty” or “Concealed, Clandestine Cat.” She would wait for us by the door, which I would unlock flawlessly, and I would never—no, not ever—drop the key on my foot.
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8.I have so much to say but few ways to say them, so I make quizzes about myself, then wonder if I’m a covert narcissist. I do it anyhow because I like to imagine there’s someone out there who will see this someday and go Oh, thank God. It’s not just me. I imagine being friends with this someone, who would meet at my apartment, knowing I do not like new places or change. The cat would be there, but my lover would not, arriving later and again coming home with some cake. We would all chat, nervous at first, then less so, over time. I would let my kindred spirit feed the cat because feeding her is the best way to get her to warm up to a person. The best way for me to warm up to a person is to get to know them, but that’s so difficult when I am making quizzes by myself in my room.
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Once you’ve completed the test, add up your points and interpret your score as follows:
8‑15
Congratulations. You’re sane and a functional human being.
16‑23
Okay, less sane but still functional, for the most part. Abnormalities are few, far between, and manageable.
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Life must have been difficult. Give yourself a break.
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You poor thing. Your mother said you weren’t cut out for this world. You took offense when she said this, but you understand now.
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Dear God. Bless your heart. Your mother said you were an old soul, but you think you are brand new. Maybe next time, you’ll be wiser. Maybe next time, you’ll be free. Maybe next time, you will find me, and we’ll sit down with that cake, and everything will be perfect, because we won’t be alone.
Kelly Murashige is the author of the award-winning YA novels The Lost Souls of Benzaiten and The Yomigaeri Tunnel and the upcoming adult novel Milkiverse (2027). Born and raised in Hawaiʻi, she is a three-time Best Small Fictions and two-time Best of the Net nominee. She loves strange animals.
